i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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