i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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