I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
