you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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