Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
