Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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