No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Are we still banned from the library?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
