this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
