I smell stomach acid.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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