i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
