You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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