She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
