love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
