I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
