yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
