After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he was CRYING into my vagina
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
