He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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