Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
don't judge my taste in strippers
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
