i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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