Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
