i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
no, he came in my armpit
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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