well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
