Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
