Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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