he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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