sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
