saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
