Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize