If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Randomize
