Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
