Is it because I queefed?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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