Do you still have your period?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
