Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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