Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
