is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
