I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
