FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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