I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
