I love black thongs
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
