Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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