he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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