Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
