I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
