So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
