This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
