Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
