Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
