You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
