If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
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