he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
