??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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