dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
