I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize