I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
