if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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