She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
