Need sex. Gaining weight.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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