Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
a search helicopter?!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize