I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
