On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
