I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
