They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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