I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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