I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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