my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
