guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
