i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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