I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
