Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
