Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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