And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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